The anguish of villainy

Phayllus

 The picture above is me in character:

"IN EGYPT THEY HAVE OTHER NEEDS THAN OURS. 

THERE LUST'S ALMOST AS OPEN AS FEASTING IS; 

SCIENCE AND POETRY AND LEARNED TASTES 

ARE NOT CONFINED TO BOOKS, BUT LIFE'S AN ART. 

THERE ARE FAINT MYSTERIES, THERE ARE LURID POMPS; 

STRONG PHILTRES PASS AND COVERT DRUGS. DESIRE 

IS MARRIED TO FULFILMENT, PAIN'S ENJOYED 

AND LOVE SOMETIMES PROCURES HIS PREY FOR DEATH..." 
                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                             - Phayllus.

SRI AUROBINDO -
'Rodogune', a play in five acts

 Phayllus (pronounced Faayoos), is the central villain in Sri Aurobindo's tragedy, "Rodogune". In the play this character is a Greco-Syrian commoner whose ambition raises him to the post of a chancellor in Post Alexandrian Seleucid empire, in the court of Nicanor. Phayllus, with his ambitious machinations becomes the cause of the ruin of the empire.

In around August 2012 when we began reading the play little did it occur to me that impersonating this character by carrying him inside for about four months would be most painful.  

Phayllus began getting vitalized roughly around October. He began having thoughts of his own and I experienced depressions. I experienced a heightened persecution which made me remain aloof and feel comfortable in the company of certain kind of people. I felt judged all the time. I struggled to keep appearances. A fellow actor on two different occasions during rehearsals asked me whether it was difficult but it felt uncomfortable to admit to being so completely possessed by an evil entity created by the fancy of a playwright. I have even scoffed at my partner's theory in the past that I 'bring my characters home'.

I have played villains before. Caliban and Claudius, two Shakespearean villains from two of his solid plays, Tempest and Hamlet respectively, were terrible although Caliban had a certain innocence about his crass nature.

On the first run-through of Rodogune I could not bear it and I confessed to being depressed. I was surrounded by many kind people who understood the travails of transformation. Many of my co-actors and the crew sympathized ( although some did snigger behind my back saying that I was craving attention!) and things got a little easier.

In January this year, Phayllus was exorcized. 

I have decided however, not to play negative characters. I realize that there is nothing in my physic which justifies heroic personality, but there are innumerable grades of characters between a hero and a villain, good character rolls, like the one I am going to play tonight. It is the character of a good doctor on a ship - the only "undamaged character on the ship", to quote my director Paul Blanchflower - and the play is called "Sorcery at Sea".

There are other plays in the offing and the characters I am asked to play are all good guys, Thank God!