It is already the 18th of Jan.
Browsing through the old unsold paintings I came upon this sketch of mine in oils I'd done some 10 yrs back. That's more or less how I looked to myself. Time has changed me some,both inside and out. I have become more patient with myself, my idealistic fire has been contained to an extent. It is as if now it ran on roads while yesteryearly it flew 'cross the sky. I am settled. sadder. More reflective with better poise, yet, alas! Not younger.
I could be though a lot younger in spirit-to a point of immaturity. Only I have to gather all my DON'Ts and throw them to the winds. I must tackle my conscience to bring myself to disregard the expectations of my loved ones. Now that's difficult. Bonds often harness you, ground you.
And then there's this thing that happens: Thought sparks me into action but the linking proces drifts me away from the centre to some unrecognisable mental wilderness. I suppose it happens to all like myself, except perhaps those who gain a certain focus on their mind-action co ordination by continual practice of realising thoughts dreams etc materially. It seldom happens to me. I drift and drift until the original 'dream', if so you like to call it,becomes imperceptible vague. I wonder what others do when this happens to them. It is a scary sort of thing really. Aimless drifting... it could well translate as 'I was never alive'(unless eat sleep and procreate is what man's life's all about)
Friday, January 18
Late in 2008
It is already the 18th of Jan.
Browsing through the old unsold paintings I came upon this sketch of mine in oils I'd done some 10 yrs back. That's more or less how I looked to myself. Time has changed me some,both inside and out. I have become more patient with myself, my idealistic fire has been contained to an extent. It is as if now it ran on roads while yesteryearly it flew 'cross the sky. I am settled. sadder. More reflective with better poise, yet, alas! Not younger.
I could be though a lot younger in spirit-to a point of immaturity. Only I have to gather all my DON'Ts and throw them to the winds. I must tackle my conscience to bring myself to disregard the expectations of my loved ones. Now that's difficult. Bonds often harness you, ground you.
And then there's this thing that happens: Thought sparks me into action but the linking proces drifts me away from the centre to some unrecognisable mental wilderness. I suppose it happens to all like myself, except perhaps those who gain a certain focus on their mind-action co ordination by continual practice of realising thoughts dreams etc materially. It seldom happens to me. I drift and drift until the original 'dream', if so you like to call it,becomes imperceptible vague. I wonder what others do when this happens to them. It is a scary sort of thing really. Aimless drifting... it could well translate as 'I was never alive'(unless eat sleep and procreate is what man's life's all about)
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